by Sade Namubes
“I’m not crying because of you;you’re not worth it.I’m crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are.-Steve Maraboli”
Everybody hurts youdifferent ways,from different things, but the fact remains they hurt for themselves, but they hurt for you as an unexplained pain, you feel it, but you never let people see how much. Instead you cash in on it, because it gives you a sense of worth.
I feel that way too you know. I hurt for you everyday. I carry your shame, your pain and yourhurts me to see you when you are in pain, I am your Super Hero. I try to make it go away. I pray for you. I work on your behalf. I feel your guilt for you. I stress on your behalf. I put myself on hold for you, but you don’t see walk away and you keep doing what you did keep inflicting the same pain on me …over and over…like a of all, I allow you to, but that’s okay. It seems that I think so low of myself, that I just let you have your way and after that I remain true and loyal…like that “welcome mat” at the front door. I let you walk all over me.
I feel sorry for you though.
Do you want to know why? Because I have decided to do what you do…to live my life screw-ups and all. I want to have fun- to enjoy screwing up my life just like you do on a daily basis. I want to do stupid things, without thinking of the consequences. I will keep hurting myself and hurting others-it doesn’t matter right? Its just the way life is.
I would at least like to thank you. I would like to thank you for training me in myand when I fall I know there will be no one there for me, but that’s okay. I know how to take care of myself.I have been doing that all my life. I mean I had to take care of you, while still trying to take care of myself.
I don’t blame you. I was very very young. I didn’t want to know or see the things you showedactually my fault. I was too mature, too wise, too stable for my fragile and young age. I had been brought up saw that and you thought I would make the perfect felt better when you released yourself upon called yourself my father, my mother, my sister, my uncle, my aunt, my friend, my colleague and my have you actually been those things to you ever looked at me and really seen who I am?
You have such clouded ideas of who you think I am. I am only the emergency button in your life journey. Someone to call upon when you needI guess I am no longer available. I am not yours to have. I am nobody’s. I am my own. I am breaking loose!
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Photo credit: http://sofiaofsweden.com/
Author: Sade Namubes
An introvert that chooses to share her feeling through writing, Sade Namubes believes she is a thinker and not a writer. Her writing is her love letter to the world.